Snip Me Baby One More Time
by ProfAT
Summary: Renji has a rivalry with a girl from Los Noches Prep who likes to chew bubblegum. Shuuhei is there for damage control when things get out of hand. Ren/Shuu genderbend. I have no self control.


**Author's note: Alternate titles include "And Suddenly There Was Shojo Everywhere" "The Genderbender Nobody Asked For But You Got Anyway" and "Everything Is Better With Lesbians". **

"Shuuhei, I love your haircut! It's so chic!"

Shuuhei blew bangs out of her eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It tended to be less noticeable to other people than the way she would repetitively tuck her dark hair behind her ears only for it to fall free and irritably tickle her cheeks. Still, a compliment on style did not come from Yumichika often, so Shuuhei figured that the bob-cut had done her well.

"That's very kind of you, Yumichika. I thought it was about time I put the shaggy, long-haired look to rest." Shuuhei admitted with a shrug her shoulders. In truth she missed the feel of length tresses draping down her shoulders and the light, comforting weight on her back, but the deed was already done. No use crying over it, everything would probably grow back in a few months anyways.

Yumichika turned half-way in her chair, arms folded over the backrest to look at Shuuhei over her desk more fully. "Was that really all it was about?"

Shuuhei raised her eyebrow, urging Yumichika on. The girl was a terrible gossip, nearly as bad as Rangiku, the golden-boy of the softball team, and together they had enough dirt to terrorize the school if they ever really wanted to. Like many students who found themselves center-stage for Seireitei High's social scene Yumichika and Rangiku weren't malicious, they just weren't picky about who they gabbed to.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were trying to insinuate something." Shuuhei said sardonically, hand twitching with the restraint to not brush away her shorter hair again. That could easily grow into an annoying habit.

Yumichika raised a hand to gesture to herself in surprise, eyes blown wide in fake shock. "Who me? I would never!"

"Because you're such a little angel, aren't you?" Shuuhei rolled her eyes, folding her arms over the flat of her desk.

Characteristically, Yumichika brushed off the comment with a wave of her hand as if it were a physical object she could slap to the side. "I was just thinking this little change in your image might be a positive influence on… certain someones who could follow your lead." She gave Shuuhei a knowing look, before her dark eyes slid across the room a few rows over. Shuuhei restrained herself from gritting her teeth, knowing Yumichika had to be gesturing at-

"If you pull my hair one more time I swear to god I'm going to hand-feed you each of your own teeth individually." The red-headed girl announced loudly, rubbing at her scalp.

"Come on, Renji, don't you know it's a form of flattery." Rukia teased. "Think of it as compensation for the fact that your ponytail beans me on the head every time you-"

As the petit boy spoke, his prophecy fulfilled itself when Renji turned to retort and her long ponytail whipped Rukia across the face. Rukia rubbed his cheek and batted stray bits of red away. "Exactly like that, actually!"

"Well, excuse the hell outta me!" Renji defended, running her fingers through the locks of scarlet proudly. Shuuhei watched, enchanted by the way the red strands moved as they were brushed. They glowed, like rubies caught in the sun from the open window. It gave Renji the very look as if she was surrounded by fire, fire like the warmth of her voice and the red of her bold lipstick coated across a soft mouth-

Shuuhei was jarred back into reality with a pinch from Yumichika, eliciting a high noise of pain. "You are _staring_." The other girl chided pointedly. Shuuhei made a dismissive "ch" sound and rubbed at the growing heat in her face, hoping that her outcry hadn't drawn to much attention.

Too late. Renji had already looked their way and shoved her chair backwards, beginning to make her way over to them as Rukia followed. At almost knee-length, skirt of Renji's school uniform was longer than most other girls. It was an act of rebellion and a display maturity to covering one's legs. Still, the long fabric didn't mask the sway of her hips, broad but curvaceous, as she walked. Shuuhei forced her eyes to look higher, meeting the warm copper of Renji's eyes and the blinding white of her usual, wolfish grin.

"Aww, Shuuhei, you got your hair cut? Now how are we going to know you're mad when you do your sassy hairflippy-thing?"

"You'll know I'm mad because I'll call you the idiot you are." Shuuhei retorted smoothly, cupping her cheek in one hand. "Are you still coming over later after the field hockey game? Izuru says she'll come, if only to get time away from her obsessive parents, and this one-" She pointed obviously at Yumichika, who rolled her eyes in contempt for the less-than-beautiful introduction, "-promises to drag her girlfriend over."

Rukia raised an eyebrow at Renji. "Girls' night out?"

"No boys allowed." Renji agreed, mockingly ruffling Rukia's hair. "We'd invite you, but we're just a little too hard-core. You might cramp our style."

Rukia slapped Renji's hand away. "Hey, I'm dating a girl from Karakura High! I'm practically from the wrong side of the tracks."

"No one considers Karakura even remotely on the wrong side of the tracks. It's not even near the station." Yumichika pointed out with a solemn shake of her head. "No one. Even Las Noches Prep would be closer to the wrong side of the tracks. And Las Noches Prep is… well, a prep school."

Renji's face screwed up in contempt, eyes narrowing dangerously. She threw her hands into the air expressively as she demanded, "Don't even talk about Las Noches. I've been hearing about it all week, I'm so sick of it I'm going to puke from all this Las Fucking Noches!"

"Oh, I forgot." Rukia said innocently, folding his arms across his chest and leaning onto the back of a nearby chair nonchalantly. "You're playing against them today! My big sister used to play for the Seireitei High Reapers, so you'd better not screw up and stain the school's pride, Renji~!"

Renji hooked her ankle around the leg of Rukia's chair, sending the small boy tripping and struggling for balance as she sat down and positioned herself at Shuuhei's desk. She said, with a bright, self-confident smile, "Those snotty punks won't know what hit 'em! Girls from Los Noches are too spoiled to touch the puck if it had been waxed and bedazzled for them."

"Really?" Shuuhei invited, a teasing smirk growing on her face. "I heard they throttled you last season. I think that Granz girl has it out for you."

"She can do whatever she wants! I'm still gonna annihilate her!" Renji argued, slamming her fist on Shuuhei's table and leaning in to crowd the dark-haired girl. It was an intimidating move, surely, but from Shuuhei's position now eye-level with Renji's chest, there was an entirely different kind of stress pressing on the girl's mind.

Before any of the students could press the point further the telltale ring of the release bell echoed through the school, immediately sending students scrambling for their bags and rushing towards the door. As teenagers began to file out of the room, Renji and Rukia retreated to their desks to reclaim their possessions.

Renji stretched before hefting her backpack onto her shoulders. "The point still stands," She announced as she jogged to the door, "We're gonna crush Los Noches, and it's gonna be amazing! I'll see you guys later, I gotta change for warm-ups."

And with only the lingering wave of crimson hair trailing behind her, Renji was gone.

"I'm home! Are you in, Mom?" Shuuhei called, kicking the door closed behind her and throwing her bag to the side. The resounding emptiness proved that no, Kensei didn't appear to be in, nor was her husband. Just as well, as Shuuhei's adoptive mother was often held up by her job at the police station and Mashiro was busy at his own job designing costumes for the local theater more often than not.

Shuuhei stretched her arms behind her back, making her way to the kitchen. Her fingers, on instinct, reached for the handle of the fridge but surprisingly met paper instead. Shuuhei withdrew the sticky-note from the fridge, blinking at the messy scrawl of handwriting as she did.

"_Dear Shuu-chan,_

_Your momma and I are both working suuuper-late, so we're trusting the house to you and your friends. There's money for pizza on the counter and snacks in the cupboard. Kensei says house rules apply: NO drinking and NO boys! Be good girls!"_

_XOXOXOXO, _

_Step-daddy Mashiro_

_(P.S. I took out the baby-monitor your mom hid under the couch. Thank me later! ;D)_

Shuuhei rolled her eyes and refrained from outright smiling at her parents' antics. At least now she had a good few hours to herself before her friends were due to come over. She could get changed out of her school uniform, have a little peace and quiet until-

Or not, if the frantic pounding on the front door was a sign. Shuuhei sighed, dragging her feet to the front door.

For a moment, there were no words.

Shuuhei gaped, jaw slack, "I… Renji… How did this even happen?"

Renji shrugged with obvious helplessness. Her mouth was strained wide as she asked, "Help?"

Shuuhei moved aside, holding the door open wider and as Renji passed Shuuhei got a good, full look at the damage.

Beautiful, scarlet-red hair was tangled and matted with heavy globs of pink. Bubblegum knotted the long tresses, winding it into complicated, sticky webs that surely no amount of combing would be unable to undo. It glued the red strands to the back of Renji's black school jersey, a few obnoxiously pink specks staining the shiny red material of her shorts.

"So I take it the game went well." Shuuhei said carefully, offering Renji a chair to sit back on.

Renji took the chair and slumped into it, paying no mind to the dirty ensemble of her field hockey uniform, but gingerly leant forward to prevent the travesty of her hair from sticking to the back of the chair. "Yeah, we won in a landslide. The opposing team wasn't too psyched about it. Ergo-" She gestured to the mess of her pink-twisted hair.

Shuuhei winced in sympathy. "Granz?"

Renji nodded, a spark of rage visible in her eyes. "That bubblegum-haired bitch. Next time I see her I'm gonna-"

"Don't worry about that right now." Shuuhei urged, flitting over to the cupboard and rooting around. "We'll take care of you first. I'll see if we have peanut butter, and then we should be able to-"

"Shuu, forget it." Renji dismissed, earning a curious look from the dark-haired girl.

"Renji, there's no way you're gonna be able to wash that out. I could try brushing it, but I think I'd only make it worse."

Renji craned her neck, giving Shuuhei a serious look. "Then cut it."

Shuuhei blinked in surprise, nearly dropping the jar of peanutbutter in her hands. "What, _all_ of it?"

"Yeah, the whole gum-fucked thing." Renji agreed, shaking her hands through her hair for emphasis and wincing when she realized her mistake and her fingers came back coated in sticky pink. "Ew."

"Renji, are you sure-" Shuuhei tried to say, but was abruptly cut off.

Renji stood up, eyes scanning the kitchen counter until they found a pair of scissors in Mashiro's sewing kit. Her hand edged towards them, resolve firmly set on her face. "Look, if you don't wanna do it, I'll-"

"The hell you will! You're just gonna hurt yourself." Shuuhei snapped, batting Renji's hand away and picking up the scissors herself. "Fine, I'll cut it. Give me a sec, though."

Shuuhei disappeared, leaving Renji in the kitchen to reappear a second later with a towel in one hand and a mirror in the other.

"Turn around." Shuuhei ordered, draping the towel over Renji's shoulders and under the gummy mass of hair as the taller girl complied. She set the mirror on the kitchen counter for later. "Now you're sure about this-"

"Shuuhei." Renji chided impatiently.

Shuuhei chuckled before her fingers found a good hold on the scissors. "Just making sure. Here we go."

"How does it look?" Renji asked anxiously for what must have been the thousandth time. "I haven't gotten my haircut in years. Is it bad? It's bad isn't it?"

"It's fucking amazing, but it's about to get much worse if you don't shut up and let me concentrate. I'm almost done." Shuuhei answered, her tongue caught between her teeth in concentration.

"'Get worse'? What do you mean 'get worse'?" Renji demanded, earning a wave of curses from Shuuhei to shut the fuck up.

Shuuhei snipped the final gum-stained strand, which fell to the floor to join the rest. It's no wonder that the candy got tangled so easily, Renj had a lot of hair. Shuuhei kicked the discarded hair to the side in a pile, vowing to make Renji help her sweep it up later. "Okay, I'm done. You want a mirror?"

Renji answered wordlessly with a nod, face pale with nervousness.

Shuuhei lifted an eyebrow, grinning a little. "What are you so scared about? Don't trust me?"

"I'm not scared!" Renji protested. As she did so, her hand flew up to the back of her head, fingers running through the short locks. "Just- wow, that's pretty short, huh?"

Shuuhei rolled her eyes, producing a mirror from the side counter and handing it to Renji. The redheaded girl took it, looking intently upon her reflection and brushing her hand through the fiery locks.

It was, in Renji's words, "pretty short." Thanks to the gum, there wasn't much that could be saved, the majority of hair needing to be chopped off until it was practically a pixie cut just barely passing Renji's ears. The only thing that could be kept even remotely long was up front by Renji's hairline, which was shortened to heavy bangs that draped over her brow.

It was, in Shuuhei's opinion, pretty cute. She had never fully appreciated what an attractive, boyish face Renji had until her hair was cut into a much more tomboyish look. But Shuuhei's thoughts on the matter were irrelevant- the true test would be if Renji liked it.

Renji blinked, trying to recognize herself in the mirror. Just as Shuuhei was beginning to worry she had made a huge mistake in not pushing alternative methods to save Renji's hair, Renji grinned at her own reflection.

"Damn!" Renji acknowledged, brushing her bangs to the side for better visibility. "I'm hot!"

"'Thanks, Shuuhei, you're such a good friend.'" Shuuhei mocked, ruffling Renji's short hair with her fingers to shake out any lingering pieces of cut hair.

Renji jumped up from her seat, abandoning the mirror on the kitchen table. "I love it! You're the best, Shuuhei!"

Shuuhei chuckled, her thoughts already drifting where the broom was to sweep up the pile of hair. "I always thought so, but It's nice to hear someone else agree for a change-"

And that's when, oh so suddenly, Renji pulled Shuuhei in and kissed her.

Shuuhei blinked in surprise, looking at the taller girl. Renji herself turned sheepish, she coughed into her hand and smiled nervously as she pulled away. "Uh, just… thanks."

"Any time." Shuuhei offered hollowly, brows still raised shock.

It was like that for a minute, inescapably awkward. Then the spell broke, Shuuhei pushed the broom into Renji's hands, who dutifully began sweeping up without another word.

Stepping back, Shuuhei placed one hand on her hips, another poised thoughtfully on her chin as she analytically looked Renji up and down. "You know, you could probably use some new clothes with that new haircut. They just opened a new outdoor mall in town, you know."

"Why, Shuuhei." Renji said, looking at the dark-haired girl, an upbeat tilt in her voice. "Are you asking me out?"

"I always did have a thing for ladies with short hair."


End file.
